As a spy, we already know that you can’t trust anyone (or close to anyone), but even if you are careful about who you trust, the people closest to you may not be as cautious. Unfortunately, there is only so much you can do to help them. This post will help you protect those closest to you, while still protecting yourself.

***Most of my blogs are pretty generalized, I’m not “targeting” any persons in particular, just a compilation of ideas and examples that pretty much relate to most in Hollywood…so does this one. However, this post is a little more personal…but if you tried to guess who inspired it, you would undoubtedly be wrong. I guarantee it. Only one person in my life would possibly be able to guess correctly…and they probably won’t read this.***

PROTECTION DETAIL

It can be hard to recognize when we are being manipulated by another since we, as humans, are extremely self-absorbed. Did you ever notice how you can always tell when a friend or family member is being screwed over the second it begins, yet you only find out you’ve been fucked upside down and sideways when it is too late? This is because we don’t want to believe that we were vulnerable enough to fall for what is basically a vicious con. For the same reason, we are reluctant to believe friends and family when they warn us. This means you walk a delicate line when warning a victim of manipulation (VOM); you need them to see it for themselves, without becoming defensive and losing their trust.

Things to keep in mind:

-Never tell a VOM that they are WRONG or STUPID or BLINDED by the manipulator in the ”relationship” (I use this term loosely to refer to friendships, lovers, family, etc). This will only create tension between you; a VOM that feels threatened will shut down and blame you for any further issues within their relationship.

-Never let the manipulator know that you are onto them. Ever hear the old adage; keep your friends close and your enemies closer? If you give up your hand they have the opportunity to turn your friend/lover/family member, the VOM, against YOU. This is the last thing you want.

-Never let your guard down with the manipulator. If you already know they are capable of manipulation, don’t for a second believe they are telling YOU the truth.

CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES

As a spy, it is wise to choose your personal battles. If you went head to head with everybody that manipulated someone you care about, you would never have time to actually live your life. Everyone manipulates someone at one time or another. Sometimes for the good of another. You don’t need to take on the guy who manipulates your friend into seeing a movie he/she doesn’t want to see. But you may be inclined to save a VOM who is being pushed around and manipulated into a lifestyle choice that is against their true wishes or is harmful to their health or future. Remember, be as objective as possible and be careful you don’t let your ego get in the way. Who are we to decide what is best for another person? You must keep yourself in check so that you really are looking out for the VOM, and not making choices based on what YOU would like them to do. In the latter case, you are no worse than the original manipulator.

MANIPULATE THE MANIPULATED

Once you have chosen your mission you must gather your evidence. What are specific instances in which this manipulator has hurt the VOM? How are they doing it, how have they gotten under their skin? Sometimes it is love, sometimes it’s admiration for the manipulator’s accomplishments, sometimes it is a feeling of obligation, sometimes it is all three. So what can you do?

-LISTEN to the VOM when they need to talk.

-GIVE GOOD ADVICE so they know you are there for them.

-GAIN THEIR TRUST (which if you already care enough about them to be here, you already have it) so that any advice you give regarding the manipulator won’t be immediately dismissed.

-GO IN FOR THE KILL- this is not one shot to the head. This is more Dexter style…slow, methodical, savory. Make sure you don’t spook the VOM into distrusting you. When they are having a crisis of faith regarding the manipulator, this is when you make your move. Follow the steps above: listen, give good advice, and use their trust. Let them know you are there for them 100%, and finally ASK THE RIGHT QUESTION. This is the key, you have to ask a question that throws their entire trust of the manipulator into question; so that they discover the truth ON THEIR OWN. As I mentioned in the beginning, if you expose the manipulator before they are ready to hear you, the VOM may feel overly exposed and vulnerable to a point of defending their relationship, and your mission will have failed.*

*This may take time. You may have to repeat the steps while waiting for the right opportunity to strike.

KNOW WHEN TO ABORT YOUR MISSION

The hardest and saddest thing is knowing that someone has been completely blinded by their love for the manipulator. That nothing you can do will change their mind until they see it for themselves (most likely when it is too late). They may even push you away completely. The only thing you can do is let them know that you will always be there for them, so that when that day comes, they won’t hesitate to turn to you for guidance. The next thing is to separate yourself and abort the mission. Don’t try any more tactics. Don’t ever mention the manipulator again. Put yourself on standby for your friend/lover/family member. Become a SLEEPER AGENT; a potential asset IF NEEDED.

We all want to be there for our friends and family when we see them being used, abused, mistreated, or manipulated. Unfortunately, some people aren’t ready to hear the truth and are blinded by the lies they want to believe. Sometimes you have to abort the mission, but you never have to give up hope.<3